She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
