Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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