Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm at about main and main street
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
