Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
