You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
