Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
