can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize