I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
