are you so shy because you have an std?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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