Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
