i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
