Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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