I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
