a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
