I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize