it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
