no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
