the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
