I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The adults are the big ones right?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
