I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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