3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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