what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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