nut hugger
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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