I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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