wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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