Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
