not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
