I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
