Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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