Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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