hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
