Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
