thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
