Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
