In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
