bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
