he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
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Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
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Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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