How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize