I am spending my child support on dildos
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
