why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
