No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
