so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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