So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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