the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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