you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
