She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
