I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dick very happy bro
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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