dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
