You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
