11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
