Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
