I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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