The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize