So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
