i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
