fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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