life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
