We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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