I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
