Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She bit a glass in half.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
