a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
