My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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