So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
