Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize