my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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