Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
