Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
