so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
