Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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