just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
