Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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